Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.



In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.



This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.



But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.



The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.



The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.



Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as.........................





"Sinko de Mayo."

Two sea monsters were swimming around in the ocean, looking for something to do. They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes. Bob, the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over, and ate everything on the ship.

A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes. Bob again capsized the ship and ate everything onboard.

The third ship they found was also hauling potatoes, and Bob once again capsized it and ate everything.

Finally his buddy Bill asked him, "Why do you keep tipping over those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"

Bob replied, "I wish I hadn't, but I just can't help myself once I start. Everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship."

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many
years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????............................


OH, come on..take a guess!


Think about it.


(You're going to love this!)

And the moral is


...You can't kill two birds with one stone

Did you hear about the indian who drank ten gallons of tea?

The next morning they found him dead, lying in his Tea - Pee.


My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Awful!

Two green beans were crossing the highway when one of them was hit by a truck. His buddy scraped him up and rushed him to the hospital.

After hours of surgery the doctor came in and said, "I have good news and bad news."

The green bean started to rejoice and the doctor said, "The good news is that he's going to live ... the bad news is that he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

A Texas sheriff entered a saloon and asked, "Has anyone seen a man called Texas Bill?"

"What does he look like?" someone asked.

"Well," said the sheriff,

"He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest and brown paper pants."

"What's he wanted for?" they asked.

"Rustlin'!" said the sheriff.

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on
one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

The lady replied, "Yes..."

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Why? Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Ernie's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden Nature calls.

He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, women are dancing on the tables nd there's hardly standing room anywhere.

Ernie scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.

When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had, right there in the hole.

Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul is in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

"What happened!?!" asks Ernie.

The bartender responds, "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"