A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Johnny stood up. The teacher asked, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

He replied: "No, miss, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

The Evolution of Math.....
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her.

She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies.

While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the way I see the evolution of teaching math since the 1950s:


Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?


Teaching Math in 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?


Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)


Teaching Math In 2005

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera por $100. El cargo de produccion es $80. Cuantas tortillas se puede comprar?

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head and says sweetly, "Not an excuse. You can write with your other hand."

Miss Matthews, a grade-school teacher in Kentucky, asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

Miss Matthews said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City, and I was fascinated."

Miss Matthews said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

He said, "My aunt Bessie has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her breasts are so huge, she can only fasten eight."

Little Johnny is sitting in class one day and suddenly raises his hand. "Miss Matthews, I need to take a piss!"

Miss Matthews says, "Johnny, the proper word to use is 'Urinate'. Please use 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to use the restroom."

Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "You're an eight."

"What?" asks Miss Matthews.

"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.

The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room.

The teacher goes to the back of the room, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom," she said.

"I did," he said. "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

"To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs, and that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.

I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.

Therefore after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset. I shall be back home before midnight."


When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining room table:


"To My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know I am a math teacher at our local college.

I would like to inform you that while you read this I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.

He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of math you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference;

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS........

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?”

She replies, "I think you're the father of one
of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."