GG: So you’re the one they call Sunya.

S: Yes

GG: Just where did that name come from?

S: My beloved dog of the same name.

GG: So you you’re named after a dog. (Under his breath. Why doesn’t that surprise me?)

S: What?

GG: *Smiling* Nothing. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. How many candles were on you’re last cake?

S: That is a closely guarded secret.

GG: I hear it was so many it upset and confused the people in Alaska.

S: Why would it upset people in Alaska?

GG: The glow from down here in Florida was so bright that they thought the Aurora Borealis was at the wrong time of year and in the wrong part of the sky.

S: *Narrows eyes and purses lips* Very funny Gilbert.

GG: *laughing* I thought so too.

GG: Parents names? – Who came up with these lame questions?

S: Fred and Mary. And I believe you dear friends Chelle and Parrot Head did.

GG: Fred and Mary? With that many candles on you last cake I would have thought it was Fred and Wilma.

S: Keep it up Gottfried and you are going to find out the real reason I have such long fingernails.

GG: Oh yeah, like you scare me Miss Silicone Boobs.

S: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!!!!!!!!

GG: You heard me.

S: I don’t have any silicone in my body.

GG: Prove it. Take that shirt off and show me that you don’t have any scars.

S: Knock it off Gottfried and get back to the interview so we can get it over with and I can get away from this horrid smell.

GG: Why? Did ya fart or something and you need some fresh air?

S: *glaring daggers at GG* No I meant having to sit next to you.

GG: I guess I should have taken a shower this morning.

Sunya starts taking mental notes of thing she wants to say to Chelle and Parrot Head in her Thank You note for sending GG to interview her.

GG: Ok, next question. When did you first hear Van Halen?

S.: In 1978. My friend Susie, her sister Judy and I were driving down the street in Susie’s convertible and Runnin’ with the Devil can on the radio. I’ve been a Van Halen fan even since. And the #1 Al’s Gal.

GG: Al’s Gal?

S: Alex Van Halen, the drummer of the band. We’re his personal fan club our here on the web. We’ve existed for many years before, the web has just made it so much easier for us to find each other. 5 of us are getting together for the concert in St Louis July 28^th. We’re really excited about it.

GG: *Looking down at S shaking his head in true GG style* And you people are proud of this?!?!?!?! What is with all you Van Halen fans anyway? And now you tell me there even a fan club for the drummer!!! For crying out loud next thing you’ll be telling me there are these ‘fan clubs’ for the other band members and that all of the band members have web sites dedicated just to them.

S.: They do.

GG: You people are just sick!! You wait around for 6 years while the band sits in limbo doing nothing and ‘talk’ to each other about nothing. And now you’re all excited about a bunch of old men getting together and going on tour. Now you tell me you even have fan web sites for each of the band members. You people just need help you realize that don’t you? HEY WAIT! DON’T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that hurt! Hey I’m bleeding!

S: I told you I would show you what these nails are really for! Don’t mess with an Al’s Gal Gottfried! I’ll kick that scrawny little butt of yours from here to next week. Things you don’t do is bad mouth VH, any of the band members or any of my VH brethren or sisters -- got it????!!!!!!

GG: Hey, I’ve been to the web sites. You people fight and call each other names all the time.

S: That’s different, we’re family. Got garlic breath??!

GG: That so Silicone Sister. Alright bring it on! You think you can take me? Not on your best day. I may be small but I’m from New York and if you think that your AARP Florida ass can kick mine you are sadly mistaken.

S: You pompous jerk. How many times do I have to tell you there is NO silicone in my body and I don’t have to prove it to you or anyone else, as for me being AARP age, well you aren’t any younger than I am. Remember you’re on my turf and I’ve already drawn blood. Since we’re on the pier here in Ft. Lauderdale I’m sure one quick shove would seal your fate pretty quickly. If there isn’t a shark close I’m confident the barracudas will find you tough but acceptable.

GG: Oh yeah!

Gottfried jumps up and runs around the table grabbing Sunya’s hair to pulling her out of her chair and the fight is on. To those watching it takes on the air of a Three Stooges movie as food, condiments, utensils and anything Sunya and Gottfried and get their hands on to use as weapons comes into play. Just when seems that there is not a spot left on the pier that they haven’t smashed, splintered or covered with food and it looks like thing might come to and end because both of them covered from head to toe and completely out of breath. Gottfried reaches over with both hands and squeezes one of Sunya’s boobs. "Damn! They are real!" Unfortunately for Gottfried there is a bottle of Miller Lite way too close to Sunya’s right hand that puts an end to the fight. And here, with the sound of sirens in air seems to be a good place for us to leave before we have to give a statement.