December 2004 Featured User

Splooge Da Hamsta

Splooge Da Gangsta Wanksta Hamsta

 
Fak, I was born in a prison in western New York on July 14th, 2002.The warden took my mother when I was three months old and I never saw her again. Dat place was hell, the chow sucked, and the warden was a cunt!!

But the worst part? Fak the worst part was that he was a huge fakking Hammy Hagar fan.  It was hell!! Hammy Hagar all day and night, I had to bust out of that hell hole, I couldn't take it anymore!

It was a cold night in January, 2003, when I made my break. I was freezing my hamsta nuts off and I was desperate, so I jacked a car and headed south.

Fak I had dreams! The warm Florida sun, beach gerbils, fak a life of leisure!

I made a bit of dough along the way doing standup in some seedy joints, fak that was tough! But a hamsta gotta live and eat so I did wat I had to to survive!

Unfortunately, hamstas are not well known for their sense of direction, and in mid February 2003, I found myself in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. FAK, fak, fak, I was broke and lost! Wandering the streets of Toronto, freezing my gangsta wanksta tail off when I spotted some guy passed out on a bench. I finished off his bottle of Jack and passed out myself.

The next morning I woke up toasty warm. It was a miracle, Guwapo had found me passed out and took me in. He even gave me my own luxury pad. Over the next year I was exposed to nothing but classic Van Halen, fak it was a breath of fresh air!!

Van Halen with David Lee Roth makes Van Hagar look like, well fak, these guys. The best song is Unchained without a doubt, but I love it all!! Classic Van Halen kicks fucking ass!!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Merry Christmas!!

Ya Cunts!!

RIKK IS MY BEEEEOTCH!!!